You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize