Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
