remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
this hospital has no fireball
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize