I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
