please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
