I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
