Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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