why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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