he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
