So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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