How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
