I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
