I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
