You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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