O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
