sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
