Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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