New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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