I can tuck mytits in my pants
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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