the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
