he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
