Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
3 2 1 whiskey
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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