I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
