just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
