I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
