I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
