I faked an abortion last night.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize