Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
