my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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