i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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