I smell stomach acid.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Mom said you looked used
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
