Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
