I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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