Having a random hookup so left but love u
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
