All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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