she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
