i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
