we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
