remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
a search helicopter?!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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