It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
