Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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