just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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