How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
