Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
