I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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