Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize