I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
