i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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