i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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