Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
