no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
foreskin is a definite game changer
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize