how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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