Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
