I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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