I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
