I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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