doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
