We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize