i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
