It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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