I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
