cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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