whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
