no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
