you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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