Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
