she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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