I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
