Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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