when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
