When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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