Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
FUCK WHALES
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
