Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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