Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
