omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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