cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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