Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
