I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
wow bdsm is so cute
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
