I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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