The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
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