"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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