You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
