This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Pooping to opera.
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