I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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